It seems like the subject of choices keeps coming up lately.

I’ve always tried to teach my children that life is a series of choices. You can choose to do what I ask or deal with the punishment. You can choose to to quit band but then you have to take music in Junior High. You can choose to yell in my face but then you’ll also get slapped. Then there are other choices. Harder choices.

If you don’t like how something is going you have to choose to change it. If you think you are fat – which, BTW,  I don’t agree with – you need to not eat as much ice cream after dinner. Have a piece of fruit. Make healthier food choices. If you want to save your money for a big purchase maybe you shouldn’t go to the ice cream shop with your friends. If you want to play sports you need to keep your grades up. That means taking 20 minutes the night before a test and studying.

The thing is, we make choices constantly. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like a choice because we feel so strongly one way or another. We may even say we didn’t have a choice. But we almost always do. Yes, things happen that we can’t change but we can change our response. Or not. Our choice. We may not like our choices but we still get to choose between them. We may like both our choices. Many times it’s between what our heart wants and what our head wants. And by heart I do not just mean love. Sometimes heart refers to our gut or our wants or the child within us. By head I’m referring to the logical choice.

It’s not always easy letting your kids make their own choices. Especially if you feel strongly about the outcome. Sometimes it’s still necessary to let them do the choosing. Sometimes it is not at all appropriate to let them have the final decision. No, you may not kill your brother so he will stop annoying you. I don’t care if you decide it is worth the punishment. No, you may not quit school and work at McDonald’s for the rest of your life. You can decide to work there but you will finish school so you have the choice later.

I believe in the handing over of decisions along with the conversation of what results of the choices will be. I am not above gentle nudging. I am not above the suggestion of postponement of certain decisions. Finish band this year, you only have 2 months left then you can decide about next year later.

The hardest part of letting the kids make choices is letting them make what you feel are the wrong choices. I’m not sure how I will handle that. I’ve been very lucky so far in that they haven’t gone against anything I feel extremely strong about. But we are still working on realizing that some of the things that happen have been their choice. You wouldn’t go to your room when you were told and now I have to drag you. One of the boys accused us of almost ripping his arm out of the socket when trying to drag him upstairs to bed one night. I said that all he had to do was choose to walk and that wouldn’t have happened/would have stopped. He just looked at me.

In the boys’ defense, I think they are coming along nicely in the learning to make choices department. Hell, I even have to take the time to remind myself when I’m unhappy that I am choosing this. Every time I eat when I’m not hungry, every time I eat large amounts of fattening foods I am choosing to be fat. I’m not a victim of genetics or medications or physical ailments. I am fat because of what I eat. This is not to say that others don’t have these issues to deal with – they do – this is just to qualify my particular situation. In my life, it is my choices that have resulted in the fat. If nothing else, the tracking of what I eat has proven this.

There are other areas of my life that are not such easy choices. Not as straight forward as whether to eat the Easter candy (child within want) or lose weight (logic). In many cases it’s a choice between two wants. Or two logical options. This is when things get difficult. At one point it was financial security vs being home with the boys. Every day that I work I am still making that choice. And yes, many times there are a multitude of things to factor into the decision. It is an ever changing landscape that shapes our decisions. This is what I think makes it difficult to understand other people’s decisions.

If I have learned anything in my 38 years it is that you should not judge other’s decisions. There are always things you do not know. Circumstances you can not understand. Nuances you are not aware of. And above all, we are all different. We all have different priorities. We all have different histories. We all have different breaking points.

And after all of this I will still choose to eat the damn Easter candy.

I just wanted to alert you to a truly fabulous giveaway. Much better than the one I’m offering.

Go on over to Chocolate and Steel and enter for a ring from her Etsy shop. Or rather don’t because you’ll decrease my chances to win. I have to say I’m really digging her shop. I love her poppies. Think she’d work up something (either the necklace or ring) with four poppies? With the boys’ birthstones? I’ve been looking for the perfect Mother’s ring and/or necklace type thing. I think I’ve finally found it. You may not realize the significance of this but I’ve been looking for almost NINE YEARS.

I may have to send a link to the husband in time for Mother’s Day.

I have been thinking about High School lately. I place the blame firmly on Facebook’s shoulders. I alternate between being excited to see/hear about people I grew up with and horrified. The horrified part has nothing to do with the actual people from my past but more how it makes me feel like I’m back in 7th grade and no one liked me. It seemed there were always rumors swirling about and I never really understood the social games that were played. In fact, I still don’t understand the social games that are played. I just try to avoid the people who play them the most. Thankfully most adults are too busy to play such games.

In light of all the emotional baggage dredged up from my teen years and angsty misunderstoodness (they are too words, doesn’t anyone understand me?) I am doing a list of an undermined number of facts of my teen years. I was going to do 20 because I graduated 20 years ago but then I realized its now been almost 21. Also, a predetermined number is too much pressure.

EDITED TO ADD: The original list was awful. I’ve decided to replace some of it with other things that have come to mind. It does not make the old list inaccurate, just a downer.

1. I got decent grades but didn’t study enough. I should have learned to study. Bit me in the ass in college.
2. I had flat hair for most of the 80′s – much to my chagrin at the time.
3. In gym class kickball I use to try to help the opposing team. This angered some of my teammates greatly.
4. I never took art in high school. (My degree is a BFA)
5. I liked almost everyone.
6. I loved hanging out with people who made me laugh but I was totally envious.
7. I took flute lessons for about a minute in 5th grade. It is the most musical thing I’ve ever done.
8. Since birth I had a crush on someone at all times.
9. I graduated High School a virgin.
10. No really. I did.
11. I was not cool. Gee, you think?
12. All these things are still true. Except the virgin part.
13. I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life right after high school. 20 years later it is still able to send me spiraling down a well of  self loathing and depression.
14. Sometimes I miss who I was and sometimes I’m terrified of becoming her again.
15. I’m finding that being confronted with teen agonies with my kids is just as hard as when I was a teen. I still don’t have the answers. I thought I would by now.
16. I have apparently learned very little in the 20 years since I was a teen. Although I have mastered the toddler years.

It seems 16 is the new 25. What are some random facts about your teen years?

It seems as if the very air is filled with hope this morning. As the morning progresses and people start their days it seems to increase. It is only 7:42 in the morning and I’ve been up for 2 hours. As I made my way into work this morning there was a perfect snow falling. It’s like a giant snow-globe with drifting snow. No cars in snowbanks. No wind whipping the flakes into your face. Just beautiful. It’s still pretty dark out and I’m the only one in the office so far but I’m still bursting with positive feelings.

I realized this morning that being filled with hope effects behavior. That may be its greatest strength. A President can’t change the world him (or her) self but if they infuse the world with hope, the human race can make the change. It is a huge burden to put on one person. It is also a huge accomplishment to achieve. The giving of the gift of hope.

The thing is, it’s not just this country who is filled with hope. The world is hoping right along with us. And if we’re all hoping and believing how can we not change? How can the world not change?

Yesterday my eight year old told me today was a big day. He was very excited because something great was happening today. Then he asked if I knew what great thing was going to happen. Honestly, at that moment I thought he might be confused and think today was ski club. But no. He was talking about “Obama is becoming our president.” He feels the hope in the air. He is excited. I can not honestly remember ever being the slightest bit interested in the President until High School. It was just a very vague thing that was discussed in class right before the election and then not spoken about for four more years. It amazes me what strong beliefs my children have. It amazes me they have such interest. It amazes me that it does not seem so momentous that we are hours away from having a black president. That in fact they can’t comprehend why the grown ups keep making a big deal about it. “Why wouldn’t we have a black president? What does that have to do with being president?” It actually brings tears to my eyes that they feel this way. It makes me feel like I succeeded at at least one thing in raising them. Even if I can’t really take credit because it is the entire country’s success. I am thankful the country has helped me in this aspect of raising my children right.

So thank you. And enjoy today. Keep the hope in your hearts and together we can make things better. We’ve made a great start already.

I was reading All Dressed Up and she was discussing a book she received for the holidays. That reminded me of a post I had done a while ago. So I looked it up (yay new search feature!) and found it. I wrote it back in March of this year and I was amazed at how much has changed. Well, to be truthful, it’s not that what I originally wrote is now inaccurate – it’s not. It’s more that I’m focused on different things now. With that in mind I thought I’d try this exercise again and see what seems to be weighing on my mind now.

• Works better with schedule, craves flexibility.
• Busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy.
• Out of shape, clothes keep shrinking.
• Loves hanging with kids, hates whining.
• Proud Mama can’t take the credit.
• Clumsy due to foot in mouth.

I’m sure I’ll come up with more as the day goes on. It’s completely addictive. Please, put yours in the comments or put a link to your blog if you do a post on this.