The other day I was leaving work and trying to figure out which route is longer mileage-wise. Is it the way I take to work longer or the way I take home? It doesn’t really matter which is longer mileage-wise as long as time-wise I’m most efficient. Still, this proves why I can’t remember to call the eye doctor and check to see if one of the kids has an appointment scheduled. It also proves why I can’t remember whether or not there is an appointment, hence the need to call. Instead I waste my time wondering about mileage. </tangent>

So I’m pulling around a rotary/circle <yet another tangent> do you call it a rotary? circle? It seems everywhere I’ve ever lived/driven they’ve called it something else. Here it’s not really the same since the urgency you get everywhere else is missing. Vehicles drive slow. Pedestrians abound. Very little traffic. Still, you drive in a circle and peel off at different intervals so it’s still called something. </yet another tangent> Anyway, I’m driving around the rotary and I remember to set the odometer.

Do you see where this is going? Tangents collide much like I collide with stationary objects while walking about. I reach through the steering wheel and turn the wheel simultaneously. My arm gets caught *Ow!* and I almost drive off the road.

Things this has taught me:

1. My clumsiness has reached new heights.
2. I still haven’t called the optometrist’s office. (even though I set the alarm on my phone this a.m. and it went off about 2 1/2 hours ago)
3. I’m full of tangents this morning. Also see: why I forget things – Look, something shiny.
4. I forget what #4 was. I believe it was something about natural selection or the fact I have defied logic and found yet more ways to embarrass myself.

I have decided today is slowly trying to kill me. And honestly, I’m not sure why. If you look at the list it all seems like today should be the best day ever.

• Half of our household is away for the weekend so I am only in charge of 2 children.
• It is warm. Really warm. Like 50 degrees warm. In March.
• I had a leisurely morning of getting the children off to school.
• I had an ultrasound of my heart. This is much like having an ultrasound when pregnant without the full bladder. Of course there is no cute baby parts to see but still, not a bad test to have.
• I came to work and it is quiet.
• The boss left early.
• There are brownies here.

See? Best day ever.

Except not.

• It is dark outside. So very, very dark. So dark it seems the sun has been extinguished and the end of the world is near.
• I am no closer to finding out why I’m so damn tired all the time. And the muscle fatigue? HATE. More and more each day.
• I don’t have a ton of work to do so I’m bored.
• I must lose weight so the brownies are mocking me.
• Have I mentioned I’m bored?
• I can’t exercise because of previously mentioned muscle fatigue.
• I feel like writing a real blog post and yet, nothing. I’ve got nothing but this lame ass list.

Oh boo-hoo me. I am lame. Things are good. I just need the work day to end. Right now. I have much to do outside of work and instead am sitting here trying to keep busy. All this to make the powers that be happy.

I will now stop focusing on my sad state and try to do a little design work for my new binders. That should cheer me up.

I was going to write about my youngest today but, well, I forgot what he said this morning that I wanted to remember. So much for using this blog as my memory. It only works when I remember something for long enough to write about it. My mind, it is going. Ha! That’s optomistic.

My mind, it is gone. There, that’s more accurate.

Something that is currently on my mind is the absolute torment of working at a university where I am able to take classes for free, where I am constantly working on class schedules and yet have absolutely no time to actually take a course. It’s kind of like being at a buffet of all your favorite foods but you’re not allowed to eat them. I keep thinking I could fit a course in if I really wanted to but then I wonder when I will do the homework, go to class, do reading and research and realize, hell, I don’t even have time to grocery shop most weeks. Who am I kidding? Maybe when the kids are old enough to drive.

I have been thinking about High School lately. I place the blame firmly on Facebook’s shoulders. I alternate between being excited to see/hear about people I grew up with and horrified. The horrified part has nothing to do with the actual people from my past but more how it makes me feel like I’m back in 7th grade and no one liked me. It seemed there were always rumors swirling about and I never really understood the social games that were played. In fact, I still don’t understand the social games that are played. I just try to avoid the people who play them the most. Thankfully most adults are too busy to play such games.

In light of all the emotional baggage dredged up from my teen years and angsty misunderstoodness (they are too words, doesn’t anyone understand me?) I am doing a list of an undermined number of facts of my teen years. I was going to do 20 because I graduated 20 years ago but then I realized its now been almost 21. Also, a predetermined number is too much pressure.

EDITED TO ADD: The original list was awful. I’ve decided to replace some of it with other things that have come to mind. It does not make the old list inaccurate, just a downer.

1. I got decent grades but didn’t study enough. I should have learned to study. Bit me in the ass in college.
2. I had flat hair for most of the 80′s – much to my chagrin at the time.
3. In gym class kickball I use to try to help the opposing team. This angered some of my teammates greatly.
4. I never took art in high school. (My degree is a BFA)
5. I liked almost everyone.
6. I loved hanging out with people who made me laugh but I was totally envious.
7. I took flute lessons for about a minute in 5th grade. It is the most musical thing I’ve ever done.
8. Since birth I had a crush on someone at all times.
9. I graduated High School a virgin.
10. No really. I did.
11. I was not cool. Gee, you think?
12. All these things are still true. Except the virgin part.
13. I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life right after high school. 20 years later it is still able to send me spiraling down a well of  self loathing and depression.
14. Sometimes I miss who I was and sometimes I’m terrified of becoming her again.
15. I’m finding that being confronted with teen agonies with my kids is just as hard as when I was a teen. I still don’t have the answers. I thought I would by now.
16. I have apparently learned very little in the 20 years since I was a teen. Although I have mastered the toddler years.

It seems 16 is the new 25. What are some random facts about your teen years?

It seems as if the very air is filled with hope this morning. As the morning progresses and people start their days it seems to increase. It is only 7:42 in the morning and I’ve been up for 2 hours. As I made my way into work this morning there was a perfect snow falling. It’s like a giant snow-globe with drifting snow. No cars in snowbanks. No wind whipping the flakes into your face. Just beautiful. It’s still pretty dark out and I’m the only one in the office so far but I’m still bursting with positive feelings.

I realized this morning that being filled with hope effects behavior. That may be its greatest strength. A President can’t change the world him (or her) self but if they infuse the world with hope, the human race can make the change. It is a huge burden to put on one person. It is also a huge accomplishment to achieve. The giving of the gift of hope.

The thing is, it’s not just this country who is filled with hope. The world is hoping right along with us. And if we’re all hoping and believing how can we not change? How can the world not change?

Yesterday my eight year old told me today was a big day. He was very excited because something great was happening today. Then he asked if I knew what great thing was going to happen. Honestly, at that moment I thought he might be confused and think today was ski club. But no. He was talking about “Obama is becoming our president.” He feels the hope in the air. He is excited. I can not honestly remember ever being the slightest bit interested in the President until High School. It was just a very vague thing that was discussed in class right before the election and then not spoken about for four more years. It amazes me what strong beliefs my children have. It amazes me they have such interest. It amazes me that it does not seem so momentous that we are hours away from having a black president. That in fact they can’t comprehend why the grown ups keep making a big deal about it. “Why wouldn’t we have a black president? What does that have to do with being president?” It actually brings tears to my eyes that they feel this way. It makes me feel like I succeeded at at least one thing in raising them. Even if I can’t really take credit because it is the entire country’s success. I am thankful the country has helped me in this aspect of raising my children right.

So thank you. And enjoy today. Keep the hope in your hearts and together we can make things better. We’ve made a great start already.