Scene: Getting into his Nana’s car to go to swim lessons.

DYLAN, age 7: “Nana, all the girls are craving me.”

ZACH: “I love her, like a bunny loves a carrot.”

*said in reference to a girl at school

You now will all see how juvenile I really am.

Tyler had a potato science day at school last week. (Please do not ask what exactly this is. I have no idea – other than what I will mention here.) Each child had to bring in a potato and weigh, measure, and do other things to it that I am not privy to. One thing I do know is they had to name their potato.

Tyler came home after school that day with… Dick. When asked why he named his potato Dick he replied, “It’s a big, manly name. Just like my potato.”

I was not allowed to cook Dick because he was Tyler’s “friend”. Until yesterday.

Tyler requested beef stew this week and agreed to let Dick be peeled and cut up and put in the stew. He even watched me make the stew. He named all the potatoes put in the stew. There was Dick (of course), Ricky (the most annoying kid on his bus), Joey, and Samantha.

At dinner last night I had to listen to conversation about the various potatoes. It went something like this:

“I’m eating Dick right now.”
“Mmmm, Dick is good.”
“I’m eating part of Dick right now too. He’s sure good.”
“This is Samantha. She is the sweet one.”
“She tastes sweet and soft.”
“Mmmmm, more Dick.”
“Joey tastes good too.”
“This piece with the dark spot must be Ricky. He went bad.”
“Mmmmm, this Dick is so good.”

And on and on for about 20 minutes. I couldn’t even laugh. Why, you ask? Because then I would have to explain WHY I was laughing. All I have to say is Thank God Jeff wasn’t home yet. I never would have been able to contain myself if another adult had been present. It still makes me laugh just thinking about it.

I told you I was juvenile.

ZACH: “I will squeeze the jelly out of your eyes if you don’t let me do what I want.”